Don't Let Me Get Me
by LayLayX
Summary: Santana has always been the Queen B*tch at school... but is that the real Santana Lopez? When something happens that makes her look at her life, does she like who she is? Can she change, does she want too?
1. Chapter 1

**Part 1.. Please review if you read it! If enough people want moreI'll have an update ready! **** LayXx**

**

* * *

**

"You're a disappointment to this entire family" the words echoed through Santana like a tonne of bricks crashing down on top of her.

This scene had played out so many times before, always the same words. The same disgusted looks, the same tears in Santana's eyes and she pleaded with her mom "Mom, I do everything you ask me to, my grades are always high, I'm head cheerleader and I'm popular I don't know what else you want from me"

"Why can't you be like your sister? She's gets straight A's, there's never one time when she gets a B, you on the other hand are accustomed to the letter, And I always hear about you with different boys, People see you, you that Santana? Always with a different boy, how do you think it makes me feel to hear my friends talking about you like that?"

"I'm not always with a different boy, if I am it's a glee club assignment, we don't always have the same partners you know, Mr Shue he gives us a different one each week, maybe that's what they're seeing"

"Well maybe you should stick to the one, and if that isn't possible you will just have to leave glee club, why are you there anyway? That's not going to help with your future, in fact that is the thing holding you back, is that why the B's are coming?"

"No I get B's because that is what I am capable of, not everyone is capable of constant A's"

"Layla is" her mom never understood her, he younger sister was always the favourite, or her older Brother, but since he left for college Layla became the golden child, Santana was always just overlooked, her mum expected everything off her and when she couldn't deliver she would yell at her insulting everything about her, telling her what she should and shouldn't be doing.

"I'm not Layla, she's in middle school, wait until she gets to High School then you can compare me to her, because when I was her age I was exactly the same as he, I got the same grades, I did the same activities, so it's not fair for you to always judge me because Layla does better, when in fact she doesn't!

"Don't you dare down size your sister, she works twice as hard as you do, and she respects me and your father, unlike you... You could really learn something her"

"No, I can't learn anything from her, because I don't want to be a spoilt, Know it all, ok mom I want to be me and live my life the way I want to, I want to make mistakes and learn from them, I'm not going to try and be your perfect daughter anymore, I'm not going to change just to please you anymore"

"Santana Maria Lopez, you will do as I tell you when you are under this roof, I am your parent and what I say goes"

"No it doesn't, not anymore... I'm out of here, you can't control me when I'm not here, so you know what have a good life, and don't dare try and live my life for me again" With that Santana left, she ran up to her room and grabbed everything she could stuffing her clothes into backpacks and whatever else could fit, when she walked back down the stairs she said nothing, she opened the front door and walked away, walking away from the horror that her mother put her through, into a new life where she could truly be who she wanted to be.

She got into her car and drove, she stopped when she through she was far enough away from home, finally letting the tears spill from her eyes, she let her head fall into her hands as thought filled her head of her home, of her mother insulting her every chance she could get, her mother's slaps when she dared speak back to her, but now that was over, and now all she had was herself and her car.

Thinking about it, it was great living arrangements, she thought of places she could go, but the only place that was available would not be the best idea, Brittany's mother hated Santana and she doubted very much that she would let her stay there. So for now her car was her home, more tears escaped her as she thought of the situation, she was homeless with no family or friends.

* * *

She crawled into the back seat of the car and pulled the blanket she always kept in the trunk around her, she wrapped it tightly around herself trying to keep a little bit warm, it really got cold at night, she was used to being outside, but it was something she was going to have to get used to.

She lay awake for a while worrying about people seeing her, but she parked in a dark corner near the park where no one really came, and by the time she had convinced herself of that she had gotten to sleep. She lay the sleeping for a few hours, only the noises of animals or passing cars around her, it was rather soothing if she was being honest, but one noise that was not soothing, a noise that frightened her a woke her up from her slumber, was a noise she really didn't want to hear.

A tap on the window and her name being called by a familiar voice, she tried to ignore it and pretend like she was sleeping, but he kept calling her name, his tone beginning to become worried, she opened her eyes and looked at him peering through the glass in the window, she sighed as she sat up and looked at him.

He had a bewildered expression on his face as she stared back out at him, not looked exactly happy or pleased with his presence. "What?" she said, although she wasn't sure if he could hear her, but he could tell what she was saying, he indicated to her to open the door, she ignored him instead asking him again what he wanted.

"Can you please let me in?" he asked, his voice was muffled through the car, but she could still hear him.

She shook her head, tears spilling down her face. His expression changed to genuine worry as he looked at her, she was falling apart right before his eyes and he could even get in to comfort her "Santana!" he called the worry seeping through his voice "Please let me in"

She gave up in the end, pressing the button on her keys to open the door, he quickly climbed in, opening the front door and sitting down on the driver's seat "What are you doing out here at this time?"

She would have asked him the same thing, but it was pretty obvious, he was out for a run, he had sweat pants on and he carried a water bottle, she would have looked a bit dumb if she did ask him, instead she decided to keep silent, looking to the floor of the car, desperately trying to think of how to explain all of this.

"What's going on?" he asked, he was desperately trying to get some answers, it was clear he was extremely worried, Santana liked that, maybe there was one person who cared about her left in the world

"I can't" she said at last violent sobs wrecking her body, he jumped when she started wailing, moving to the back seat enveloping her in his arms, she cried for a little over an hour with him just holding her, it was late now, and there were no tears left in her body, she settled herself and sat up turning to look at him "Thank you" she told him

Although he didn't really know what she was thanking him for he smiled at her "What happened?" he asked her after a debate with himself whether he should or not

"I left home" she told him, there was no point keeping it a secret anymore, soon enough everyone would know she was sleeping in her car, when she ran out of fresh clothes or her hair was basically sticking to her head, I'm sure the student of McKinley High could put two and tow together to get four in this situation.

"What do you mean?" Clearly he wasn't the brightest spark on the fire, but to be honest I would ask the same thing if the roles were reversed so I answered him

"I left, As in walked out left my family, because they were always so busy with everyone else, I was always the disappointment, the one that didn't fit in, the one everyone hated, my mom loathed me, sometimes I wonder what I did to her to make her so against me, to make her hate me like she did, but I could never come up with an answer, I guess it's just who I am, everyone hates me, I have no family and I have no friends"

"You have Brittany" he said

She shook her head "She's just too stupid to see the real me, she only hangs with me because I tolerate her, and the only reason I do is because she's the only person who will be there for me, she doesn't even understand what I'm saying sometimes but she will always listen, but I can't go to her now, her parents hate me and think that I'm the one dragging her down" she sighed a single tear falling down her cheek, Pucks thumb wiped it away

"I like you" he told her, his eyes sincere, looking straight into hers "Yeah you're a bitch and all that, but I always liked you, when we used to play together as kids I used to tell Finn I would be your best friend one day and that we would always play together" he laughed

"I guess that did kind of come true" she laughed along with him

"Yeah, but I did like you San, and I know you probably feel that I only used your for sex, but I didn't I did honestly like you and I wanted to be your friend and to be there for you, but the only way I could still be near you was for sex, and it wasn't even special, it was like we were just two people doing the nasty, it never felt right"

"I only had sex with you to try and hurt my mom more, she always told me that I had to wait until I was married, and I did everything I possibly could to go against her wished, because I never wanted to take orders from someone who hated me, who tried to control me, I never wanted to do anything she said, when she found out about us she went crazy, she hit me and called me all the names under the sun, I cried myself to sleep for 3 days and told myself I would never have sex again until I was married"

"She frightened you? Didn't she?"

For a second Puck though Santana was going to do something she would usually do in a situation like that, he was just waiting for the scoff or the laugh and for her to tell him that no one frightened her, but when the tears came flooding out, he realised he was right, Santana was scared

He held her again; tighter this time and told her everything would be alright, that everything would cool down and she would be fine again... But she objected "I can never go back there, it's horrible, I can't bear it anymore, I can't do it" she cried out

He shushed her, and he rocked her back and forth moving her body with his Rhythm "It's okay, we can work something out, you can come and stay with me, we'll get everything sorted"

"Would you really do that?" she asked him, turning round again to look him in the eyes, she had to push past the tears that wear still brimming her eyes, but she seen the worry in his eyes and when he nodded his head she felt safe and happy for a second.

She leant forward and kissed him "I'm sorry for everything I've ever said to you, I treated you so badly, but I won't do it again, I really do like you, and no one else would do this for me, thank you" she said before kissing him again

He responded and the lips moved together before he pulled away "We better go, Do you want me to drive?" he asked her and watched as she nodded, he climbed into the driver's seat she handed him the keys, he squeezed her hand before he started the car and drove towards his house, "You'll be okay" he told her before they got out of the car and made their way to the door, Santana's stomach was in knots the whole way.

He held her hand the whole time, and when his mom agreed to her staying he kissed her and made his way to her car to carry in her things.


	2. Chapter 2

**Part 2... Please review! Reveiws are loved and very much appreciated! 3**

**

* * *

**

"I'm really sorry about all of this" Santana said when she returned from the shower, she had been in the house by herself all day, and all she could do was think about everything she had ever said or down that she regretted, she had so many greats and the person that she let herself become was like an enemy to herself, She hated who she was. She hadn't felt up to going into school that day, she had asked Puck not to say anything to anyone, She hoped no one found out for a while until she could get her head sorted.

"About what?" he had only just arrived back from school, he sat down on his bed and opened up his bag to take out his homework that he probably wouldn't do, he always tried, but he got distracted easily, school really bored him if he was being honest, he only went for football and glee, but to stay there he had to keep his grades up and it was proving difficult.

"For everything" she striaghtened the towel that was wrapped around her body and sat down beside him "I had no right to dump everything on you, I shouldn't even be here... I've treated you like shit for as long as I've known you and your still here to help me, if anyone in school found out they'd probably think I'm lying, you're a different Puck from what everyone sees" she smiled at him "And I kissed you last night and you have a girlfriend, but I didn't care I just wanted comfort and I don't want to use you like that, I'm a mess at the minute and I'm not good for you"

"Wow, slow down" Puck raised his hands a smile crossing his features "What are you talking about? I don't have a girlfriend, and you're bad for me? I'm the boy most mother's lock their little girls away from" he grinned, "Sorry" he added, realising she didn't want to think of her mom right now

"It's ok" she smiled "I would pick the lock anyway" she laughed

"I am slightly irresistible" he grinned again

"And slightly obnoxious" she laughed "But aren't you dating Quinn?" she didn't want to ask, she already felt bad for kissing him, she knew last night that he was with her, but she just kept going for her own pleasure and comfort, she was selfish, that was another thing she hated about herself

He shook his head, as soon as she looked at him she knew she had hit a raw nerve, "We broke up" he said simply

"Oh, sorry" she said

He brushed it off "It's ok, after Beth things just weren't working, All we did was fight, we just weren't right for each other, and both of us were miserable being together, it's better just being friends, although she hasn't actually talked to me since" he sighed

"She's missing out" Santana smiled

"How are you feeling today?" he asked her quickly changing the subject

"Meh" she said

"Just meh?" he asked

"I've had loads of time to just sit and think today and I've come to the conclusion that I'm a horrible person" she told him, not once looking away from his eyes

"You're not a horrible person San" he had sincerity written all over his face, but nothing would let her buy it

"I am, I'm a bitch... All this time I've tried to be someone I'm not, I wanted to be the popular girl who everyone wanted and who everyone wanted to be friends with, well I got that, but I have no true friends, only Brittany, and she's only there because she doesn't see the bitch in me and because I love her... I want to be like everyone else in glee and have that circle of friendship, but I've bullied and insulted them all so much that they all hate me"

Puck shook his head "No they don't" he told her taking her hand in his "They like me and I'm probably worse than you, They don't hate you because you are a part of glee and they don't hate anyone that is a part of them, I guarantee you that probably love you a lot more than you think"

She scoffed slightly "I've probably done something horrible to each one of them"

"So have I" he shrugged

"I don't think I can change Puck, I'll be hating myself forever"

He smiled "You can change, everyone can change"

"I may be able to, but I don't want to... I've built this person for so long how can I just sit back and watch her be destroyed? I put up this shield to block everyone from seeing what I was going through at home, I faked my way through everything, I pretended I was fine when I was broken and I did that by bullying people and having fun laughing at people"

"You don't have to suddenly become some weak person, you can still be feisty, but the way you want to do it, you can't go through life hating yourself"

"I've did it for this long, I can keep it going" she shrugged

"But is it healthy?" he asked her and watched as she thought but still came up with nothing "Just think about what will make you happy, and if it makes you feel better you can always be yourself around me" he smiled, he stood up and kissed her forehead and made his way to the shower.

"Are you sure you're up for school today?" Puck asked her, he lifted his top from the floor and placed it over his head

"Are you sure you want to wear that? Don't you have a clean one?" she laughed a little

"It is clean, I just didn't hang it up" he smiled

"Then yes I'm sure, I can't sit around all day and find more things I hate about myself, it's not like I have a reason for absence anyway, and I just need to get back to normal"

Puck nodded "Okay, are you ready then?"

"Are we going together? Won't people ask questions?" she asked, she still wasn't ready for people to know

"Nah, they'll just think were dating or something"

Santana nodded "But were not?" she asked just to be clear

"Well if you want to we can sort that out" he laughed

"Wouldn't you just love that" she laughed "I'm not ready, let me sort my head out and figure out who I am, ok?" she wasn't even sure what sort of relationship they had, were they friends, or were they dating, they did kiss and stuff, but then again she kissed Brittany sometimes, did she even ant to date him, she would just pull him down, he could go places but if he was with her, he would get no where

"Who said I wanted to date you anyway?" he asked his eyebrows raised, his head was close to hers now and she could feel his breathe on her cheek, she moved forward a few inches and kissed him "Friends with benefits suit me perfectly"

"I'm not sleeping with you" she told him, wanting to get that straight

"You think that's all I want? You're a good friend I just want be there for you"

"Ok, come on lets go" she said grabbing his hand and her back pack and making her way outside to head to school

* * *

At the end of the day when glee was about to start was when Santana felt most happiest, she smiled when she passed through the choir room door and sat down beside Brittany, Mr Shue had given them an assignment the day before that Puck had told her about, it was to pick a song that expressed what they felt at the time, Santana had a song picked out, but she wasn't sure if she could sing it, if she was ready.

When Mr Shue asked who wanted to go first Santana couldn't control her hand from shooting up "Could I go?" she asked tamely, her voice trying to deny her the words, but her heart wouldn't let her, she needed to do it, to let everything she was feeling out

Mr Shue nodded, Santana stood to her feet and informed the band of her choice of song, When they began to play her heart beat began to race as every eye in the room was on her now, and she was about to open her heart to each one.

_**Never win first place, I don't support the team**__**  
**__**I can't take direction, and my socks are never**__**  
**__**clean**__**  
**__**Teachers dated me, my parents hated me**__**  
**__**I was always in a fight cuz I can't do nothin'**__**  
**__**right**___

_**Everyday I fight a war against the mirror**__**  
**__**I can't take the person starin' back at me**__**  
**__**I'm a hazard to myself**___

_**Don't let me get me**__**  
**__**I'm my own worst enemy**__**  
**__**Its bad when you annoy yourself**__**  
**__**So irritating**__**  
**__**Don't wanna be my friend no more**__**  
**__**I wanna be somebody else**___

_**I wanna be somebody else, yeah**___

_**LA told me, "You'll be a pop star,**__**  
**__**All you have to change is everything you are."**__**  
**__**Tired of being compared to damn Britney Spears**__**  
**__**She's so pretty, that just ain't me**___

_**Doctor, doctor won't you please prescribe**__**  
**__**somethin**__**  
**__**A day in the life of someone else?**__**  
**__**Cuz I'm a hazard to myself**___

_**Don't let me get me**__**  
**__**I'm my own worst enemy**__**  
**__**Its bad when you annoy yourself**__**  
**__**So irritating**__**  
**__**Don't wanna be my friend no more**__**  
**__**I wanna be somebody else**___

_**Don't let me get me**__**  
**__**I'm my own worst enemy**__**  
**__**Its bad when you annoy yourself**__**  
**__**So irritating**__**  
**__**Don't wanna be my friend no more**__**  
**__**I wanna be somebody else**___

_**Doctor, doctor won't you please prescribe**__**  
**__**somethin**__**  
**__**A day in the life of someone else?**__**  
**__**Don't let me get me**___

_**Don't let me get me**__**  
**__**I'm my own worst enemy**__**  
**__**Its bad when you annoy yourself**__**  
**__**So irritating**__**  
**__**Don't wanna be my friend no more**__**  
**__**I wanna be somebody else**_

When she finished the tears in her eyes were spilling down her face as each of the glee kids looked at her with a confused but sorrowful look. She looked back at each one of them individually before her eyes met with Pucks, the one person in the room that knew what was going on with her. She smiled at him before she began to speak

"I'm sorry" was the first think she could manage to say, the only thing she wanted to say because everyone in the room had suffered her wrath, she had bullied each one of them before, and when she looked at them now, the memories of it came to her, all the times she called Rachel names, when Quinn got kicked of the cheerio's and she called her numerous names about her weight, Artie's disability, Kurt's sexuality, she had taunted everyone of them, with the exception of Brittany, but that was because she was the one she could be herself around and no one would know, because Brittany was her best friend.

"You guys are all so amazing, and all I did was treat you like dirt, I tried to be the popular girl all the time, and made fun of you, I bullied you and it was wrong, because every time I looked at the strong bond you had with one another I longed so much to be a part of it, but I couldn't let myself do it, I would become like you, I would get called names and I would get slushied and the thought of that made me sick, I would never let that happen to Santana Lopez head cheerleader, head bitch" she sighed

"But I realise now I don't need that, I need a family more than anything and that's what you guys are, if you let me I really want to be part of that " she said her face soaked with tears, her voice broken every now and again with sobs

The glee club members were all looking at her with shock written in their faces, except Puck who looked at her with saddened eyes, he moved towards her knowing right now she needed someone to hug her, he wrapped his arms tightly around her and whispered in her ear "You'll always have me" he squeezed her hand when she felt her take hold off it and loosened the hug, he moved beside her and seen the looks she was getting from everyone.

Rachel was the first to speak, her look changing from shock to concern "Your already part of our family, you're the one who doesn't want to be seen with the family, but you're always still there" she told her "I'm sure if you ask anyone they would say the same, there are twelve member to this family, thirteen if you count Mr shue, we don't leave anyone out" she smiled

For the first time in a long time, Santana felt warmth in her heart, more tears fell from her eyes, but some of them were happy, hearing that she had a loving family meant more to her than anything right now

"Thank you" she whispered "You don't know how much that means to me" she smiled, she breathed a deep breath and spoke again "I lost my family this week, well I walked out on them" a single tear rolled down her cheek "They never treated me right or loved me, they always expected more, my mom in particular, she was never happy with me and I couldn't take, the act I did for all this time was a shield to protect myself from how I was feeling, I picked on everyone to numb the pain of my mother's picking on me"

"San" Quinn spoke, she had known her for so long and never once did she see this in her,

Santana carried on "But I left there and then I looked at my life, I hate myself I've become someone I fear, When I look at myself I see a monster and that's not what I want to see, I can't apologise enough" she sobbed, Puck tightened his grip on her, his arm felt like protection right now, from everything that hurt, because when he was there she immediately felt better.

"You'll always have a family in us" Mercedes smiled at her

Each member nodded and smiled at her, showing her the love that she needed

"Thank you" she said again, the only thing she could say without tears "I promise I'm going to change, I want to be someone you all can call a friend, someone who doesn't call you names or anything like that, and I want to love you guys"

"I love you Tana" Brittany spoke, smiling at her best friend, she left her seat and crossed the room, hugging Santana tightly

"We all love you" Rachel said, as each glee member followed Brittany, creating a large circle of people around Santana, Mr Shue was last to join the hug, he smiled at her as he placed his hand on her shoulder "Anything you need I'm here for you" he told her

She smiled at him, tightening her grip on Puck's hand, he looked at her smiling before he kissed her he was the last one to tell her he loved her, and the first boy to tell her he loved her, truly meaning it.

"I love you too, more than anything" she smiled kissing him back.


End file.
